Gone, but not yet forgotten
by Allimassy
Summary: Shuichi is attacked, and when he wakes up Yuki is gone. And then... he forgets.
1. Chapter 1

**Re-uploading all of the chapters because something happened to all the page breaks and it doesn't make much sense without them -_-**

**This is my first multichapter fanfiction, hope you enjoy it. My beta reader for this and all my work is SJYaoiSasuNaru.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of the characters**

**Warnings: Rated T for violence and language in later chapters. Contains shonen-ai.**

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Shuichi cried out in delight as his lover walked through the door. He threw himself upon the writer, his delicate frame clinging to Yuki's body. His shiny pink hair nestled into his lover's chest, before he was shoved away by the irritated Yuki. He gazed up adoringly into Yuki's eyes, his own amethyst eyes glistening hopefully. He pouted adorably, his perfectly formed, soft pink lip hanging slightly down. He playfully swung on Yuki's arm, begging with his soft, musical voice. Yuki bent down and kissed him roughly, clasping his shoulders. When they emerged from the kiss, the singers cheeks were flushed softly pink, his eyes shining, lips slightly parted. Then he followed Yuki who led the way to the bedroom closing the door behind him.

Then the couple disappeared from view and the figure who had been watching from the shadows stepped back from the telescope, positioned in a nearby building. He grimaced from the thought of what would be happening right that instant in the bedroom. That vile man defiling his beloved. Well soon, he thought. Very soon he would have what he wanted. For now he would have to be patient and wait.

**x-x-x-x**

"Yuuuukiiiiiiiiii! Welcome home!" Shuichi cried, flinging himself into the arms of the blond angel who had just walked through the door. He nestled himself into Yuki's chest, breathing in his lovers scent. His state of bliss was roughly interrupted when he was pushed coldly away.

"Get off me brat." Yuki said, annoyed "I don't want to be smothered the moment I walk in the door. Besides, my deadline's tonight. I have to work." Shuichi gazed up into Yuki's gorgeous, golden eyes, melting under his harsh gaze. He clung to Yuki's arm.

"Aaww please Yuki! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!" He tried his best puppy-dog tone. For a moment he thought it had worked when Yuki bent down and kissed him. The kiss was long and sweet, Yuki's soft lips commanding Shuichi's, which parted without a fight. Shuichi felt euphoric when Yuki walked to the bedroom. However his mood was shattered when Yuki said over his shoulder

"Tomorrow. I already told you. Work."

"But Yuuuki! You _know _I'm leaving to go on tour tomorrow! Please Yuki!" Shuichi begged after Yuki had shut the bedroom door. For a moment, he thought he saw something flash in the writer's eyes, but then it was gone, replaced by that cold, harsh look.

"That's too bad. I guess I'll have to find a new fuck-toy while you're gone then." Yuki's mouth twisted into an amused smirk at Shuichi's worried expression.

"Waaaa you're so horrible! You don't really mean that do you Yuki?"

"Of course I don't," said Yuki gruffly. "But if you don't shut up I might reconsider. Now be quiet so I can work!" he snapped, blushing slightly.

Shuichi knew he wouldn't get anything else out of Yuki that night, so he grudgingly went to bed. While he was still drifting off, he could have sworn he felt soft lips on his forehead and hands tucking in the blanket around him.

**x-x-x-x-x-x**

"Good evening Japan!" Shuichi cried under the bright spotlights on the stage. His band mates Hiro and Fujisaki were behind him, and a huge crowd of several hundred thousand fans was spread out in front. He loved the feeling of being up on stage, being watched by all his fans, and millions more watching through the television. He hoped that Yuki would be watching him at home. The thought of Yuki almost sent him spiralling off into a completely new train of thought, but he forced himself to focus on the current situation.

"Thank you everyone for coming here tonight! We're going to start off the evening with _The Rage Beat_!" With that, Hiro and Fujisaki behind him launched into the song, and soon he was lost in the singing, his body moving instinctively with the beat.

He was unaware that the adoring fans were not the only ones watching him. Somewhere behind him, a more sinister type of fan was watching his every move. Standing in the shadows, watching from the wings, eyes greedily absorbing in Shuichi's slender body. Pulling almost reluctantly away from the wall, the figure slipped unnoticed through a backstage door.

Finishing up the first set of songs, Shuichi waved to the screaming crowd and followed his band mates off the stage. He headed to his dressing room, where he collapsed into a chair. He uncapped a bottle of ice water, chugging it down and wiping sweat from his brow. He closed his eyes for a few minutes, resting. Then he opened his eyes, looked up into the mirror-

And screamed. Or rather, he opened his mouth to scream. At that instant, the figure standing behind clapped a hand over his mouth and dragged him out of his chair. Shuichi struggled against the vice like grip, but the man just squeezed him harder. Before he knew it he was up against the wall. A rough hand grabbed his hair, and the other released his mouth and wrapped itself around his waist. The man kissed Shuichi roughly, the kiss tasted of stale beer and sweat. Shuichi pushed against the man's face, coarse stubble scratching his fingers.

The man pulled away from the kiss and looked hungrily into Shuichi's eyes, licking his lips. Shuichi gasped for air, and frantically scrubbed at his lips with the back of his hand. He opened his mouth once again to scream, but like before the man clasped a hand over his mouth.

"Shhh now Shuichi, we don't want anyone to walk in on us." The man's voice was deep and jagged, but was saturated with longing. "I love you Shuichi, you know that don't you?" Shuichi shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes. "Come now you must know. I've loved you for so long. I'll make you happy, I'll take you to come and live with me, you'll like my house." He released Shuichi's mouth so he could reply.

"No! I love Yuki! Yuki! I don't know who you are! Get out of here before K comes and shoots you!" Shuichi's voice was high and panicked. The man liked that.

"Come on Shuichi, you know you have to be with me. Yuki doesn't really love you. Like he said, you're just his fuck toy." The man's cruel words came out with a blunt edge.

"How did you-"

"Yuki's just a dirty slut who would sleep with anyone. You can't honestly believe that he loves you, can you?"

"Don't you dare insult my Yuki! Yuki loves me, and I love him! I could never go with a horrible stalker person like you! Get away from me!" The man's pupils dilated with rage and disbelief. Then a sort of crazed sadness descended over his eyes. Shuichi opened his mouth to call for help for a third time, but froze when the man reached out a hand and caught his tears on his finger. He raised the finger to his lips and licked them.

"So sweet," He sighed, "Such a waste… such a shame…" he reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. The metal glinted in the lights of the dressing room. Shuichi was frozen in terror, no longer able to move. "I wish I could make you love me. But don't worry my dear," he slid the knife across his finger, testing the sharpness. Drops of blood beaded along the cut. "We shall be together in death's embrace." And he walked into Shuichi's arms.

Shuichi was finally able to scream as the blade sank into his chest. The metal was white hot yet ice cold as it pierced his flesh, sliding past his ribs. He slowly sank to the floor, but the man caught him. The knife was still in his chest. A sticky dampness spread across his shirt.

"Hush my love, it'll be over soon, all over." The man murmured into his ear. "I'll join you soon." And then the weight was lifted and the man was gone. Instead, Hiro's worried face swam in front of his eyes.

"Shuichi? Shuichi, can you hear me?" The urgent voice was distant as Shuichi slipped into blackness.

In the swirling darkness he struggled to get out. He tried to call up an image, and for a moment, Yuki's adoring golden eyes filled his vision, before they started to fade. He cried out and reached for them desperately. They vanished.

'_Yuki…'_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2. Just to clarify:**

_'Shuichi's thoughts'_

_Memories/dreams_

**_Voice in Shuichi's head_**

**_

* * *

_**

"Hey, I think he's waking up!"

"I'll go get someone."

'_Where am I?'_

"Shuichi, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?"

'_Hiro? What's he doing here? What happened?' _Shuichi's amethyst eyes fluttered open. He was in a clean white room. Hiro was leaning over him. Shuichi could feel the tips of his long hair tickling his face. "Hiro? Where am I?" Shuichi croaked. His voice was hoarse.

"Don't worry Shuichi, you're OK now." Hiro smiled, stroking Shuichi's forehead. "You're in hospital. Don't worry, you'll be fine."

_Cruel smile. Hungry eyes. Flash of steel. And pain. So much pain._

Shuichi raised his hand to his chest. He felt bandages wrapped tightly around his body.

"_Come with me. Death. Together in death." Knife slicing ribs._

"I… what happened?"

_Cold metal. Burning pain._

"There was…" Hiro paused, reluctant to continue. "There was a… a fan…"

"_Don't worry. Together soon."_

"Don't worry Shuichi, they caught him, he's in police custody. The trial's in a few weeks."

_Knife jutting out. Crimson beads gathering, pooling around a wound._

Shuichi clasped his head in his hands. His whole frame was shaking.

_Falling. Falling, falling, falling._

Hurried footsteps entered the room. Shuichi felt a hand around his shoulders, gently easing him back down onto the bed. Through tear smudged vision Shuichi could vaguely make out a doctor standing over him.

_Golden eyes. Yuki. Yuki!_

"He's going into shock. We'll need to…"

"YUKI! WHERE IS YUKI?" Shuichi's desperate cry filled the room.

"Calm down, Shuichi," Hiro begged. At that moment the doctor stepped in, injecting Shuichi with a sedative. Shuichi struggled for a few more minutes, then slumped down onto the pillow.

"Hiro…" He mumbled before his eyes closed. Hiro knelt down beside him and took his hand.

"I'm here Shuichi."

"Where… where's Yuki…" Shuichi just had time to see Hiro's slight frown before he slipped into unconsciousness.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

He could see Yuki gazing down at him. His normally cold eyes kind and loving… and sad. Shuichi tried to say something to him but he couldn't. Then Yuki started to fade. Shuichi desperately tried to reach for him but couldn't move his arms.

"_**Shuichi! Shuichi, wake up!"**_

A golden angel's voice, but it was fading as fast as the image of Yuki in front of him was.

"Shuichi wake u-"

"Yuki!"

Shuichi sat bolt upright, ignoring the jolt of pain the sudden movement caused him, searching the room for his lover. But he was nowhere to be seen. The room was dark, and there was no light coming from outside the window, except a faint shaft of pale moonlight. Hiro was sleeping in a chair next to him.

Shuichi felt slightly annoyed. Hiro was here, even in the middle of the night. So where was Yuki? Couldn't he take some time off to see his injured lover even for a minute?

"Hiro." Shuichi whispered. Hiro stirred, and looked up. Relief flooded his face.

"Shuichi, you're awake." He smiled, "how are you feeling? Are you OK now?"

Shuichi thought back to what had happened earlier. He had caused a scene. Typical. He blushed in the dark.

"Uh… yeah I guess… sorry about earlier." He winced as his slight movement sent pain shooting across his chest.

"Don't worry Shuichi. That was only a normal reaction considering…" Hiro drifted off, not wanting to further broach the subject.

"Hiro, where's Yuki? Why isn't he here?" Shuichi asked for what seemed like the umpteenth time. And there it was again. That small frown on Hiro's mouth. A slight crease between his eyebrows. But it wasn't an anxious or even an annoyed frown. The look in his eyes was confused. This worried Shuichi more than anything. And all his fears were confirmed when Hiro spoke.

"Yuki?" Hiro spoke the name as a question

'_What?'_

"Yeah, Yuki… where is he?"

"Who? Are you OK Shu?"

"Yuki! Eiri Yuki! How can he not be here?"

"Shu, you've been through a lot. You're confused. You should try to sleep. I'm sure you'll be fine in the morning."

"No, Hiro! I wont be fine! Yuki's not here! How can Yuki not be here? I want to see Yuki!"

"Shuichi, who is Yuki? I don't know who you're talking about. You shouldn't stress yourself out so much, your condition will just get worse."

'_Yuki's not here! Why is Yuki not here? And why does Hiro not know who Yuki is? Why? Why, why, why? Yuki! Where are you?' _And as Shuichi's panic pushed him into unconsciousness, the golden angel's voice came to him again.

"_**Shuichi! Shuichi don't leave …"**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

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**

It had been a week since Shuichi had been admitted to the hospital, and since his last conversation with Hiro, no one had managed to get another word out of him. He was like an empty shell. Hollow. There was no life in his eyes.

Finally, the doctors had decided there was nothing else that could be done, and had discharged him. His wound still ached and wasn't completely healed – he still wore the bandages – but he hardly noticed. He was too wrapped up in his thoughts. Thoughts of Yuki.

Why couldn't Hiro remember him? Come to think of it, Fujisaki hadn't mentioned the novelist either during his visits. And where was Yuki, anyway? How comes he hadn't visited Shuichi? He had almost _died _and Yuki still hadn't come. Did he really care that little about Shuichi? Well he would find out when he got back to their apartment later.

Hiro was to accompany Shuichi back to his apartment. They were walking out the doors, when Hiro noticed that Shuichi had stopped dead in his tracks.

"Shuichi? What's wrong? Is your chest hurting?"

Shuichi merely stared at him, his mouth hanging open.

"Hiro, where are we?"

Hiro stepped towards Shuichi, who was several paces behind him.

"What do you mean Shuichi?"

"I mean where are we? This isn't Japan!"

Hiro raised an eyebrow. "Of course it isn't Shu, it's New York."

"N…New York?" Shuichi repeated. "Why are we in New York? Weren't we in Japan before? The concert was in Japan, right?"

"Shuichi, the concert was right here in the States. You haven't been back to Japan since we signed with XMR, remember?"

"XMR? But we're with NG, not XMR! There's no way I would ever go back to them!"

"What do you mean go back? Shu, it was your idea to come to America in the first place."

"My idea? I never wanted to go back to America after what happened last time!"

"What do you mean last time? I didn't know you'd been to America before."

"Of course I have! Twice! Remember? When K kidnapped me and took me to XMR after Yuki…" Shuichi broke off. If Hiro couldn't remember Yuki, then would he be able to remember everything that had happened after Shuichi had met the writer?

"Again with this Yuki person. Who is she? Some new chic you picked up?"

"Yuki isn't a chic! And I didn't just 'pick him up'." Shuichi said indignantly. "It was a fated encounter."

"Sure, sure, fated my arse. Don't worry Shu, all new romances seem like that at first. Well if you like him so much, I hope it works out… wait, since when did you like guys?"

Shuichi stared flabbergasted at Hiro. What the hell was going on? Could Hiro really not remember Yuki? And besides, why wouldn't Shuichi like guys, with his darling Yuki out there.

"Hiro, what are you talking about? I've been with Yuki for months now! You've _met _him!"

"Whoa, _months_? Shu, I haven't met the guy, and I can't believe you wouldn't tell me you had a serious relationship!"

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiro, you're not funny! The whole of Japan knows about me and Yuki, and now you're saying this is the first you've heard about it?"

"Shuichi… like I said before… you've been through a lot. I understand, that what happened must have had some serious effects on your mind, but you need to start focusing on what's around you. We live in America. Surely you must remember that." Hiro stated tentatively.

"I think I'd like to go home now." Shuichi mumbled, defeated.

Hiro looked down worriedly at his best friend. "Sure, Shuichi. Come on."

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

The apartment held no familiarity for Shuichi at all. It was somewhere were someone who didn't spend much time at home lived. There was nothing that tied the place to him. Or Yuki. No disorganised piles of papers and manuscripts. No overflowing ashtrays. This was the home of someone who lived alone. Cold and empty and completely unfamiliar.

Shuichi excused himself to the bedroom. His bedroom. Hiro insisted on staying, and assured Shuichi that he would be there if he needed anything.

Once he was in the bedroom, Shuichi made his way over to the bed. He stopped though, when the computer in the corner of the room caught his eye. Slightly worried that he would need a login that he wouldn't know, he turned it on.

The screen flickered to life, straight to the desktop. No login required. He clicked open the internet and pulled up a search engine.

Yuki Eiri

Nothing relevant came up. Random sites that Shuichi barely glanced at.

Uesugi Eiri

The first website was from a news website. Shuichi clicked onto it. The article was dated from 5 years ago.

TEENAGER FOUND DEAD

Well, that couldn't have anything to do with his Yuki now, could it? Maybe Yuki wrote articles. Despite that, Shuichi felt the urge to read on.

_A young boy, identified as Eiri Uesugi, 16, was found dead in an abandoned building. Police were notified of a domestic disturbance when nearby residents heard shouts coming from the building. Witnesses report they saw three men running from the crime scene shortly before the police arrived. The boy was raped and then shot, but no weapon has been found. Suspects include the boys tutor, Yuki Kitazawa, and his brother-in-law whom he was staying with whilst he was in New York, who's identity remains anonymous, although there is no strong evidence supporting that either commited the crime…_

Shuichi didn't read any further. He couldn't read any further. What was this? This couldn't be true. Yuki couldn't have died when he was 16. Shuichi _knew _the 21-year-old Yuki, maybe more than anyone else did. So it was impossible for Yuki to be dead. Impossible. Impossible. But every site that he looked on had the same story. The same. Yuki. Dead. Not dead. Not Yuki. Not his Yuki. Not possible. Yuki. Yuki. Yuki!

He didn't realise that he was screaming till Hiro came running in. He didn't realise that he was lying on the floor till Hiro pulled him to the bed. And he didn't notice the tears spilling out of his eyes until the morning when he felt the dried tracks of the tears clinging to his face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**

* * *

**

_Eiri Uesugi_

_Beloved brother and son_

_May he find peace in the next life_

Shuichi stood staring at the gravestone. The final proof. A single tear rolled down his cheek and splashed down onto the earth covering the man he had called his lover. The man who had died five years before they had even met.

He had tried to tell himself that it was all a dream. A nightmare. He had over and over tried to persuade himself that. Desperately trying to wake himself up but he couldn't. Besides, you didn't feel pain in dreams. The pain in his chest was almost too overwhelming to bear. Not the pain from his wound. That was just a dull throb compared to the searing burn in his heart.

He knelt down and traced his fingers over the name. Had he dreamed his Yuki up? Surely he couldn't have done that. His memories were so vivid. Yuki's intense, golden eyes. His golden angels voice. His gentle touch. Was he going mad? Inventing a life he had never had? Perhaps he had seen the article, and his unconscious self had created Yuki from words.

Slowly he got up and started to walk away from the grave.

_**Shuichi, don't leave me. Please don't leave me here alone.**_

The golden angles voice sounded in his head. Desperate, pleading.

"Yuki!" Shuichi span around, hoping to see his lover standing behind him. Walking towards him smiling, arms open. Soft words telling him that it was all a misunderstanding. That he was here. Everything would be all right. That he loved him.

But instead, an empty graveyard. What was happening to him? Yuki's voice was still fresh in his head. Was he truly going mad? Yuki, his Yuki, didn't exist. Uesugi Eiri had died, five years ago.

He turned, and continued to walk away. He had his head down, so he didn't see the figure he almost collided with.

"Whoa, careful there."

"Sorry." Shuichi mumbled. He looked up and gasped in shock. "Yuki!"

But it wasn't his Yuki. A stranger he hadn't met before, but knew all about. Looking down on him was the smiling face of Yuki Kitazawa.

"Hey, no problem. Have I met you before? You know my name?"

Shuichi backed away, too stunned to speak. Boiling rage coursed through his body. This man had raped _his _Yuki. Then Yuki had killed him. So how could he be here? It wasn't possible. So many things weren't possible, yet here they all were. Appearing in front of him. A whole series of impossibilities.

But if Yuki had died, then he might not have killed Kitazawa.

_The boy was raped and then shot_

Kitazawa had raped Yuki and then shot him. Shuichi knew there had been a gun there. The gun that was meant to have killed Kitazawa. Yuki had once said

"_The one who should have died then was me."_

Shuichi had hated Kitazawa for ruining Yuki's life like that. Yuki wasn't the one who should have felt guilty. And now Yuki was dead. Murdered by the man who was now visiting his grave.

"Are you alright?"

Shuichi stared, shocked at the man who had taken his lover from him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Well, that's kind of obvious isn't it? I'm visiting a grave. I see you've just come from where I'm headed."

"Why are you visiting Yu- Eiri's grave?" Shuichi demanded.

"Oh, you knew Eiri-kun? I think I have every right to visit my little students grave, don't you?"

"How can you so calmly stand before his grave? I know what you did! You have _no right _to visit his grave, you murderer."

"Oh, that's cruel. How could you say such a thing?" He smirked. "I wouldn't kill poor little Eiri-kun. He was my favourite student."

"Yeah, who you RAPED AND SHOT! How could you? He was only 16! He looked up to you and respected you! He _loved you_! And you destroyed his trust and his life. You took advantage of him, and now he's gone!"

"There's no proof I did it." He said coldly. "So what, are you his relative or something?"

"I…" Shuichi didn't know what to say. There was no way he could say 'lover'. Because that clearly couldn't have been the case. "I was his close friend."

"Hey, that's right! I do know you! You're Shindou Shuichi, the singer! My, what a privilege to meet you. Do you mind if I get your autograph?" He was mocking Shuichi now.

"Fuck you, Kitazawa." Shuichi said, as calmly as he could, although his voice shook with rage. He turned and strode off. It took all his self-control not to turn around and attack the man. But he wouldn't do that. Not in a cemetery. Not in front of Yuki's grave.

"Wow, nice way to treat your fans" He heard Kitazawa call. He ignored the comment and continued to walk away.

It wasn't till he returned to his apartment that he let his emotions escape. As soon as he shut the door, he slid down the surface and curled up on the floor shaking.

How could Kitazawa show himself in front of Yuki's grave? How _dare _he soil Yuki's memory like that. And to do so with such unimaginable confidence, as though he felt he had every right to be there. The man had held so much arrogance. It was sickening.

Shuichi slowly got up and made his way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. The glass he held slipped through his trembling fingers and shattered on the floor. Shards of glass flew up in a shining explosion. As he bent down to pick up the fragments, a large piece cut his hand wide open.

He watched fascinated as red droplets gathered along the edge of the glass and slowly started to trickle down his hand. His body was numb and he didn't feel any pain as he pressed the glass deeper and deeper into his hand.

How easy it would be to just give up, he thought. Yuki was gone, long ago. What did he have in this world to hold onto? So easy to just slip away. He clenched the glass in his fist harder, hardly noticing he was doing it. The blood started to flow faster, pouring out of the wound.

The world began to blur and Shuichi fell gratefully into the arms of the awaiting darkness. He could hear his heartbeat throbbing, desperately trying to continue. Beating. Fading. Slowly fading.

Slowly.

"_**Shuichi, you can't die. I don't know what I would do if you died. So please, don't give in."**_

The voice of the mourning golden angel.

'_Yuki! Where are you?'_

"_**Shuichi, you have to keep your heart beating. Please don't give up. You have to keep fighting."**_

'_I'm sorry Yuki, but I can't. It's too late.'_

"_**Shuichi, please open your eyes."**_

He wouldn't disobey his angel. Whatever his angel told him to do, he would do it. His eyes snapped open. He was lying on his kitchen floor. A pool of blood slowly spreading from his hand, surrounded by the shattered glass. He felt dizzy from the loss of blood and his head spun as he tried to sit up.

He heard a banging at the door.

"Shuichi! Shuichi are you in there? Shuichi can you open the door?"

Hiro. Shuichi got up and steadied himself as his legs threatened to give way beneath him. He quickly grabbed a tea towel and wrapped it around his injured hand. He then hurried to the door where Hiro was still pounding on the wood.

"Ahh, hey Hiro" he said smiling.

"Shuichi, what took you so long? I was waiting for-" he broke off as he saw the bloody towel around Shuichi's hand. "What happened? Are you OK?"

"Nothing, nothing. Don't worry Hiro; I just dropped a glass in the kitchen. Man I'm such a klutz!" He laughed.

Hiro eyed him suspiciously, clearly unsatisfied with the response. "You're pale. How much blood did you lose, Shuichi?"

"Oh not much," Shuichi lied, "just a scratch really! I'm fine honest!" he waved his hand in the air to emphasise his point. Unfortunately it had completely the opposite effect as the towel unravelled and fell to the ground revealing the large gash, pouring blood, underneath.

"Holy shit! Shuichi, you're not fine! Come on, I'm taking you to the hospital." Hiro grabbed up the towel and wrapped it tightly back around Shuichi's hand. "Keep pressure on that OK. Lets go, you'll have to ride on the back of my bike."

Hiro ushered him out the door and into the lift, ignoring Shuichi's futile protests that he was perfectly fine. Hiro helped Shuichi onto the back of his motorbike. He saw Shuichi swaying.

"Shuichi, you didn't pass out did you?"

"Pass out, me? Who knows? But Hiro I'm fine! You really don't need to be worrying about me. Besides I need to find Yuki!"

"Shuichi, you're not fine. And please don't start all this Yuki crap again." He immediately wished he hadn't said that as he saw the shock and hurt flash through his friends face.

"Hiro, it's not crap! I know Yuki's out there. I heard his voice earlier! It's almost like I can feel him."

"OK, fine, fine, whatever. But first you _have _to get stitches. If you lose much more blood you're going to be in serious trouble. So come on, just come with me to the hospital, and then you can go find this Yuki or whatever. OK?"

"Fine." Shuichi scowled.

"Good. You had better hold on tight. I don't want you falling off." Hiro said. "If you feel dizzy or anything tell me straight away."

"OK, OK." Shuichi sighed.

"Good. Lets go then."

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

Back in the hospital for the second time in a few days, Shuichi grimaced while he sat and waited for the doctor to finish stitching up his hand. The doctor finally finished and wiped Shuichi's hand with an antiseptic wipe.

"There we go," he smiled. "Don't over use your hand for the next few days or the stitches will open. In a few days they should dissolve on their own, but in the meantime you should be careful. You really can't afford to lose any more blood, especially since this is your second time in here."

"Fine, fine. Can I go now?" Shuichi said impatiently.

Suddenly the door burst open.

"Shindouuuuuu! What do you think you're doing?" a voice came from the open door. Shuichi knew that voice only too well. He had hoped he wouldn't have to hear it again. Too bad things never happen the way you want.

In the doorway, a small woman stood. An angry expression on her face, she cradled a bazooka in her arms. Not the best combination, especially if you seemed to be the focus of her anger.

"R-Rage! Wh-what are you doing here? Didn't expect to see you here. Heh heh…" Shuichi trailed off.

"What are you talking about you stupid boy?"

"What are you doing here? You can't barge into a hospital with that _thing_!" Shuichi shouted, wildly gesturing towards her bazooka.

"Ohohoho! I think you'll find I can! Anyone want to protest?" She grinned evilly, raising her weapon.

"On second thoughts…"

"Precisely. Well now, I've come to find out when the hell you're going to drag your butt back into work! And you Nakano! I expected better of you! Aiding this delinquent!"

"Hey, come on Reiji-san," Hiro said, raising his hands defensively, a droplet of sweat running down his forehead, "you can't expect him to come in right now! He was stabbed a week ago, and now he's cut his hand open. Surely he should have some time off to recover."

"Pshh a week is more than enough! If you guys want to hit it big in the States you have to work hard!"

"Hey, who are you to tell me what to do anyway?" Shuichi chimed in indignantly, "You're not the boss of me."

"Oho, to the contrary _Shindou. _As your manager I fulfil that criteria exactly! So get yourself out that door now! I have transport waiting for us outside."

At the mention of transport, Shuichi felt a vague shiver of fear. He wondered what she had meant. After all, he couldn't imagine a 50-foot giant robo-panda sitting in a hospital car park, but then again, this _was _Rage. Suddenly something else she had said caught his attention.

"Hey, since when were you my manager?" He asked.

"Since when he asks. Since you left that sorry excuse of a company known as NG, that's when. Hmph I knew you were stupid but I never expected you to ask something like that. Now get your butt outside!"

"Wait, I need to give him a course of antibiotics in case the wound got infected." The doctor piped up before Rage could drag Shuichi away.

"Silence fool! A mere infection is not going to incapacitate one of my workers!"

And with that, she grabbed Shuichi by the collar and dragged him from the room, his yells of protests echoing along the corridor. Hiro paused for a moment to collect the medicine and apologise to the doctor for causing such chaos. Then he hurried after Rage and the screaming Shuichi.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

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Shuichi sank gratefully into a chair once they had arrived at XMR. They had travelled- of course- by panda, and had somehow gotten caught up in a police chase, which involved several missiles being fired off, and probably several lives were lost in the process. Shuichi offered up a short prayer for those lost to Rage's temper.

"This is no time to relax Shindou! Come on, Nakano and Fujisaki are all set up. We're waiting for _you_!" Rage stormed in on him.

"Yeah, yeah, fine I'm coming." Shuichi muttered, and traipsed after Rage as she led the way to the recording studio.

On the way, he collided with a hyper, brown-haired ball of energy, carrying a stuffed toy.

"Sakuma-san!"

"Hello nanoda" Said Ryuichi cheerfully. He made the Kumagoro he clutched wave enthusiastically at Shuichi.

"Ryuichi," came a strongly accented voice from behind, "I've told you not to talk to strangers."

"Ahh K!" Ryuichi exclaimed, "This isn't a stranger! He's my friend… umm… what's your name?"

"Don't you-" Shuichi broke off. Ryuichi, his idol, didn't recognise him? Perhaps in this strange reality he was in they hadn't met. After all it was thanks to Yuki that…

Thinking of Yuki caused a lump to rise in his throat. He suppressed the thought immediately.

"He is Shindou Shuichi," K provided. "You don't want to be hanging around with him, after all he is one of your rivals."

"Claude!" Rage had come back to see what was taking Shuichi so long. "What are you doing to my star singer? You have Ryuichi so don't even think about taking my precious Shuichi."

"To the contrary, _you _keep your singer away from my Ryuichi. I don't want you staining his innocent mind."

Whilst this verbal sparring was occurring, Ryuichi had put a finger to his mouth and quietly led Shuichi away from the two managers.

They entered an empty recording studio and Ryuichi turned and grinned goofily at Shuichi.

"That was fun nanoda!" He said to Shuichi

"Uh… yeah…" Shuichi was uncertain. Ryuichi's childish phases always left him slightly baffled. "Don't you need to work Sakuma-san?"

"Pshh who cares about work when you can be having fun? Ah that's right! You're Shuichi! I've seen you on TV!" He beamed with childish innocence, "Can I have your autograph?"

"Um…" Shuichi was struck with the memory of a previous encounter with his idol.

"_Wow, you were awesome! Can I have your autograph?"_

"_Huh? No, I couldn't…"_

_The older males face crumpled and tears formed in his eyes._

"_But… but… I'll give you my autograph! We can trade! Here I'll give you my ring too, I have lots."_

_Shuichi made frantic attempts to calm the other singer, but they were futile as Ryuichi ploughed on._

"_Ryu-chan! You don't have time for this! We're performing in a minute!"_

"_But Norkio-chan! Shuichi's my friend!"_

Friend. That's right; Shuichi had been very close friends with Ryuichi. It seemed their relationship had been lost, along with the rest of his past life. But at the same time, Ryuichi seemed similar to the Ryuichi from _his _life. Perhaps not everything had changed.

"Don't give up Shuichi. They'll try to make you forget. But you mustn't."

"Sakuma-san?"

"Hey, Shu do you want to sing together? You like singing right? I loooooooove singing! So does Kumagoro nanoda."

As suddenly as it had gone, Ryuichi's childish state returned.

"Uh sure I'd love-"

"" Shuichi was cut off by the appearance of his manager pointing a large, menacing weapon at him. "You dare just run off while your supposed to be practicing."

As she dragged Shuichi from the room, Ryuichi waved happily, completely oblivious to the fact that he had been close to being caught up in a large explosion in a confined space- originating, of course, from Rage's bazooka. Well maybe those hazards were in the job description if you worked at XMR.

"Bye-bye Shuichi! Hey, maybe we could still sing together another day!"

"Sure! That would be fun." Shuichi agreed before he was pulled from the room.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

"How long is this going to take?" Shuichi demanded. "I have to go and find my Yuki! I don't have time for this!"

"It takes as long as it takes! The fact that we're so behind is your fault Shindou, don't you forget that! Bad Luck is meant to be on tour right now, not mucking around in a studio!" Rage said.

"Hey! That wasn't my fault! How the hell was I supposed to do anything about that?"

"Hmm anymore questions?" Rage asked the room, pretending she hadn't heard Shuichi.

"Are you even listening? I have much more important things to be doing right now!"

"You, Shindou, do not have anything more important than this, especially not chasing girls!"

"Who said anything about chasing girls? I need to look for my darling Yuki! He is most definitely not a girl!"

"My Shindou likes guys now? Oh no, what am I to do? What will the public think?" Rage exclaimed. "Aha! I sense a scandal! There's nothing more girls like these days than the passion of a forbidden love! Ohohoho!" Rage laughed manically to herself. "So Shindou, do you want to tell me who your secret love interest is? Or do I need to persuade you?" She said producing her bazooka from god knows where.

"Hey! There's no need for that! Besides I don't want the whole of America to know about my passions! My relationship with Yuki will remain secret dammit! Besides, Yuki wouldn't want everyone knowing about his private life! Oh no, if he finds out about this he might kick me out!" Shuichi burbled.

"Spill it Shindou! Who is Yuki?" Rage raised the bazooka to Shuichi's forehead.

"AGHR! YOU CRAZY WOMAN! WHERE ARE YOU POINTING THAT THING? IF YOU KILL ME THERE WONT BE ANYONE FOR YOU TO PROMOTE! DAMMIT YUKI WILL HUNT YOU DOWN IF YOU DO ANYTHING TO ME!"

"SILENCE YOU MORON! TELL ME WHO YUKI IS OR I'LL BLOW YOUR BRAINS ALL THE WAY BACK TO JAPAN!"

"I wonder how long they'll keep going this time…" Fujisaki mused.

"Who knows? I think their current record is 20 minutes. How do you think Rage will react when she realises that Yuki doesn't exist?" Hiro replied.

"Yeah, she'll flip… wait? Shindou-kun is in love with someone who doesn't even exist? I knew he was a bit… out of it… but surely that's too much even for him."

"I know. I think the err… incident… must have messed with his head a bit. That's when this whole thing started."

"I WILL NEVER BETRAY YUKI'S IDENTITY TO SOMEONE LIKE YOU! YUKI WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ME!"

"DAMN YOU YOU DIRTY SLUT! TELL ME NOW! HOW COULD YOU GO AROUND PICKING UP BOYS WITHOUT YOUR MANAGERS PERMISION?"

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID WOMAN! YOU DON'T OWN ME!"

"Aha to the contrary Shindou!" Rage lowered her voice slightly, but there was a manical gleam in her eyes. "This weapon says otherwise. NOW TELL ME!"

"NEVERRRRRR!" Cried Shuichi, trying to make an escape. "YUKIIIII WAIT FOR ME! I'M COMING!"

"GET BACK HERE SHINDOU!" screamed Rage, firing off a shell that barely missed Shuichi. He froze and turned slowly back around. "Now tell me! Who is Yuki?"

"I wont-" Shuichi started before Hiro cut him off.

"Calm down you two. Reiji-san, before this argument gets too far, I think you should know that this Yuki doesn't exist."

"Hiro! That's so mean! Of course Yuki exists! How could you say such a thing?"

"Shuichi, come on, just admit it, you made him up."

"I didn't! I swear Hiro, my Yuki is real! I don't know what's going on with you and everyone else, but he does exist!"

"Shuichi, you've had a serious injury, I know that's a lot to deal with but you need to start facing up to reality. There is no Yuki!"

"Shindouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" Rage growled. Her eyes were narrow slits, almost burning red. "You mean to tell me that all this fuss was for some pigment of your imagination? The damage to the building is coming from _your _salary!"

"Yuki is real dammit! I don't understand, why has everyone forgotten him! I don't even know why I'm in America! I'm meant to be in Japan, working for NG and living with my darling Yuki!"

"Why do you want to work for that has-been record company? You should be grateful XMR rescued you from them!" Rage exclaimed.

"I don't care! The fact is that I don't remember ever signing with XMR! I don't know what's happened but its like the whole world around me has changed!"

"Don't be ridiculous you fool. Nothing's changed _at all_." Rage pouted.

"Yeah, Shuichi, its still the same old us." Hiro assured him.

"I know you're the same people, no-one's actually changed, just my _life _has changed." Shuichi explained.

Rage wore a frown on her face, which was growing more and more pronounced through the whole conversation. Shuichi's nonsense was doing nothing to keep her in a good mood, which was made worse by her already short temper.

"Shindou! That attack on you has had severe psychological problems on you. I have only one solution: you will have to see a therapist!"

"What?" Shuichi cried outraged. "I'm not insane! What the hell is this? I don't need a stupid therapist! You're the one who needs a therapist! You're insane!"

"WHAT WAS THAT?" She raised her gun once again.

"Shu, I agree that she's being a bit extreme, but maybe it's the best idea." Hiro appeased, "There's no denying that _something _needs to be done to help sort out your problems."

"But Hiroooooooooooo!" Shuichi whined. "I don't _want _to see a therapist! I don't need to! My Yuki isn't in my head! My Yuki is real!"

"SHUT UP ABOUT YUKI!" Rage yelled. "YOU ARE GOING TO GO TO THE THERAPIST! I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, YOU'RE GOING. Now, shall we get back to work?" She smiled calmly.

Shuichi, Hiro and Fujisaki stared at her, stunned into silence by her sudden mood swing. Shuichi nodded mutely.

"Uh… sure…"

"There, I'm glad that's all settled. Shindou, I will tell you when you're appointment will be and I will organise suitable transport."

"But…" Shuichi started

"No buts!" Rage continued smiling sweetly, whilst stroking her bazooka.

"Fine! I'll go to the damned therapist. But I'm telling you it's a waste of money." Shuichi grumbled.

"Who said anything about paying?" Rage asked innocently, now polishing her weapon.


	6. Chapter 6

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Sorry for the long time to upload. I've had loadsa coursework recently and I've had to rewrite this whole chapter AND the one after it. But I've finally gotten round to doing it XD

**Disclaimer: I don't own the song (Shining Collection) used later on in the fic**

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This was ridiculous. Shuichi was fuming by the time he had returned home. Therapy. Who needed it? He certainly didn't. He slumped grumpily down onto his sofa. It was dark outside. Now he knew the reason his apartment looked so unlived in- Rage worked them to the bone, forcing them to keep ridiculous hours. He wasn't looking forward to tomorrow, which was unusual for him as he normally enjoyed work. But his constant arguments with Rage were stressful. At least with K as his manager there was only gun pointing. Now there was gun pointing (and guns that where about 10 times bigger at that) and Rage's silly tantrums. He refused to acknowledge that he had almost as many tantrums as Rage.

He looked over at his phone. The light indicating he had a message was flashing. He pressed the button for it to play.

"_Hey, Shuichi it's Hiro. Aren't you home yet? Anyway, I just thought I should remind you that tomorrow Rage is gonna pick you up early to take you to the uh… therapists. So anyway try and make sure your ready on time in the morning. You don't want her blowing your head off when she arrives and finds you still in bed. Well see you tomorrow. You'll be OK right? If you need me, you know you just have to call."_

The message ended. Shuichi smiled to himself. Hiro was always so thoughtful. He always made sure that he looked after Shuichi.

Shuichi decided that he had better get to bed soon if he wanted to be up in time for…

Therapy. He still couldn't believe that Rage was going to make him see a therapist. It was so hypocritical of that insane woman suggest that _he _should go to a therapist. He was sure K wouldn't have forced him to do that. On second thoughts, K would have most likely proposed some even more preposterous scheme.

Deciding it would be best not to anger Rage by sleeping late the next day, Shuichi got ready for bed. He slipped between the covers on his bed and fell into an uneasy sleep.

_Yuki's arms were around him. He couldn't see his face, but he could feel the familiar strong arms holding him in a warm embrace. He could smell the writer's faint, comforting scent coming from the body that held him. Golden words flowing from his angel's mouth, a sweet soothing voice, a lullaby._

"_**Shuichi I love you. Don't ever forget that. I love you and I'll never let you go."**_

_Shuichi felt a tear slip through his lashes._

"_I love you too Yuki. But I don't know where you are! Tell me how to help you."_

"_**You have to wake up, Shuichi. I don't know what's going to happen if you don't."**_

_And then his arms were gone. Shuichi was surrounded by emptiness. He turned frantically, searching for his lover. He was still there behind him, but he was fading. Being dragged away by the darkness. His face was in shadow, but Shuichi knew it was him. _

"_Yuki!" Shuichi desperately reached out, trying to grab Yuki's outstretched arm. "Yuki, don't go! I've only just found you!"_

"_**I'm sorry Shuichi…"**__ Shuichi could see shining tears on the writers obscured face. And then he was gone._

"Yuki!" Shuichi sat up gasping for breath.

"Finally, the princess awakens."

"Rage! What are you doing… how did you get in? Why are you in my room? And what do you mean 'princess'?" He demanded with narrowed eyes.

"You can keep asking questions after you've answered this one. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL SLEEPING YOU MORON? YOUR APPOINTMENT WITH THE THERAPIST IS IN HALF AN HOUR""

"SHUT UP! I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE SLEEPING! I DON'T NEED TO SEE A THERAPIST! STOP BARGING INTO PEOPLE'S ROOMS THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN EARLY YOU FOOL? IT'S 12:00 ALREADY! YOU CALL THIS EARLY?"

"I DON'T CARE, I DESERVE TO REST AFTER ALL THAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH YESTERDAY!"

"What are you talking about?" Rage demanded. "You did hardly any work yesterday. You should be grateful I let you go when I did! Now hurry up and get going before I shoot you!"

"I'm not"- Shuichi began but stopped abruptly when Rage produced her bazooka. "Fine I'll go. But just this once."

"There now, that wasn't so hard was it Shindou?" Rage smiled sweetly. "Now shall we stop dawdling and hurry and get to the therapists?" And with that she shoved Shuichi through a conveniently opened window.

Shuichi screamed as he plummeted towards the ground. His screaming stopped abruptly as a soft leather chair interrupted his fall. Rage's panda had been conveniently positioned under his window. Next to him Rage landed gracefully in the drivers seat.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Shuichi demanded. "Pushing me out the window like that. You could have at least warned me!"

"No time for that, we're running late." Rage grunted as she pushed the panda into gear. "Turn on the radio, Shindou."

"You have a radio on this thing?" Shuichi reached out his hand and started searching for the button that would turn on the radio. He reached for one that looked about right…

"You fool! What are you trying to do? Do you want to start World War Three?" Rage demanded.

"What the hell kind of stuff do you have on here that's capable of starting a war?" Shuichi panicked. "You turn the radio on! I don't want to blow up the world or anything by mistake."

"Haha, don't worry, there's not _that _many nuclear missiles on here."

"Ohmygod you have nuclear missiles on here? Is that even legal? What the heck is wrong with you?"

"Who doesn't have a few nuclear weapons here and there these days? God you Japanese are so primitive!" Rage scoffed.

"Aren't you half Japanese or something?" Shuichi asked, slightly annoyed.

"What was that?" She asked casually, flicking a switch. The radio sputtered to life.

"_And our next song is from an anonymous listener, dedicated to his brat."_

The presenter had a fake, cheery voice typical to radio presenters. But the words caught Shuichi's attention. _His brat. _That was what Yuki always called him…

The song came out through speakers hidden somewhere in the control room.

_The motion of imprisonment in a bed of glass_

_That is first broken by the fumbling of a lady_

_A loose collection of feathers with a tail of soliday_

_That almost screams the innocence desired at night_

"Hey, turn that up."

"What? So you like this song?" Rage asked, obliging nonetheless.

_Dancing through freedom and lies in the mood of depression_

_Fragile puzzle pieces that break away from this course_

"No I… This song…"

"Don't tell me you don't know it?" Rage asked him surprised

"I do… it's just…"

"This is Sakuma Ryuichi's latest hit. It's hugely popular. It's no surprise you find it familiar."

_Kiss shining, we're kissing in my eyes_

Nostalgia swept over him.

_Melting away even the flower petals in our way_

The song. Of course it was Ryuichi's song. But…

_Make me shining, changing into the most exciting colours_

_That first shone in a vision_

Yuki. Yuki had written that song. For him. For Shuichi.

_The field of view excels the dimension of panorama_

_A perfect mimesis that can only tremble_

_A cheap touch whose reaction is to look for secrets_

_You want to see them even if they are coldly obscene_

Shuichi had wanted Yuki to write lyrics for him to sing. He had been crushed when Yuki had decided to write lyrics for Nittle Grasper. But then he had heard the song.

_A sea of gushing pleasure that alters the colours of the rainbow_

Those words written just for him.

_That strikes into this world adding shadows to the fringed game_

_Kiss shining, imitating loneliness_

That song had been written by Yuki. So why was he hearing it now? Yuki was gone.

_Cutting into space with entwined regret_

Shuichi knew suddenly. Yuki was out there. Shuichi had to find him. He must find him.

_Make me shining, fragments of my scattered heart_

He would find Yuki. Wherever he was, Shuichi would rescue him.

_A radiance that surpasses hope_

He would bring him back.

_Red soaked fingertips dye the atmosphere with fluttering butterfly tears_

And a tear escaped Shuichi's eye.

_And all is turned to sand… Shining, make you cry_

"Shindou? Are you crying?" Rage's voice barely penetrated the words.

And then it was just him and the music. No longer Ryuichi's voice singing, and no fast beat behind it. Just the voice of a golden angel, singing slowly and mournfully. Singing just for him.

_**Kiss shining, we're kissing in my eyes**_

_**Melting away even the flower petals in our way**_

_**Kill me shining, changing into the most exciting colours**_

_**That first shone in a vision**_

_**Please don't cryin', imitating loneliness**_

_**Cutting into space with entwined regret**_

He felt warm tears that weren't his drip onto his face

_**Make me shining, fragments of my scattered heart**_

And strong arms surrounded him in a tender embrace

_**A radiance that surpasses hope**_

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**So theres chapter 6 (: the time between me uploading each chapter will probably get longer now because of coursework, and the fact that I had to delete a whole load of chapters that I wasnt happy with. And also... in Shining Collection, does anyone ****know what 'soliday' means, it was in the lyrics, but I have no idea what it actually means... ****anyway, please reveiw to tell me what you think and for the next chapter (:**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 (: hopefully eveything will be explained in this chapter (if not i fail as an author) the gaps between me uploading are getting longer for 3 reasons- schoolwork, dbsk (haha they are making my schoolwork suffer too. what you dont know what dbsk is? =O awesome korean group, must listen to their music XD well yeah i am watching all their videos instead of other stuff) and the fact that i dont know what to write! well my friend said she would help me, and its just one chapter im stuck on so after that it should get better XD**

**well i'll shut up now and let you read chapter 7 :)**

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"Shindou? Shindou, wake up. We're here." Shuichi was slowly dragged awake by Rage's voice.

"Huh? Where am I?" He asked.

"You're at the therapists idiot. Well to be more precise you're outside the therapists, but lets not be fussy with the details."

"Oh. I must have fallen asleep then…" Shuichi still felt drowsy.

"Of course you did you moron. That's why I had to wake you up."

Shuichi and Rage made their way into the therapists building.

"You know, I really don't"-

"Silence!" Rage commanded. "We are here now, and you will see the therapist." As she said that, they approached a door, which Rage flung open and thrust Shuichi inside.

"Chris, this is Shindou Shuichi. Shindou, this is Chris." Rage said.

"Hello Shindou-san" The therapist smiled. "Would you like to take a seat?" He motioned towards a couch opposite his chair. "Reiji-san, would you mind leaving the room for the duration of the session?"

"Sure. I'll be just outside." She left the room.

"So, Shindou-san, would you care to explain your problem to me?" Chris asked. He was an unremarkable man, with an average face and a pleasant, cultured voice.

"There is no problem." Shuichi said stubbornly. "I told her I don't need to be here, but she doesn't listen to me."

"I see. Well how about you tell me about the problem that is perceived by Reiji-san?" Chirs reasoned with him.

"She thinks I'm mad. They all do! They think I made up my Yuki!" Shuichi exclaimed outraged.

"Yuki?"

"Yes, Yuki!"

"Who is Yuki?"

"Yuki is my lover. I love him so much. But he's gone. I don't know where he is. And no one else can remember him." He explained.

"I see. So tell me about Yuki."

"Like I said, he's amazing. He's my whole world. Without Yuki I would die! I wouldn't be here now if I didn't know he was out there somewhere. I know he's out there. I can still feel him beside me, sometimes even hear him. But I don't know where he is. He wont tell me how to find him."

"So he talks to you?"

"Yes. Sometimes. I get the feeling he's trying to tell me something. But I just can't work out what it is." Shuichi sighed.

"Tell me about Yuki as a person."

"Yuki… Yuki is perfect. He's amazingly handsome, like an angel. On the outside he tries to be cold, but he's not really. He's only scared of letting people in. Once he lets you in, he's a kind and gentle person. When he's cruel to me, I think he's only afraid of getting hurt."

"How did you meet him? I want you to close your eyes. Relax."

Shuichi did as he was told.

"Now take some deep breaths. I want you to go back to the time you met Yuki. Describe it to me."

Shuichi tried to remember the time, and found the memories surrounding him.

"I'm in the park. It's night. The wind is blowing softly, a gentle breeze. I'm holding a piece of paper. It's the lyrics. The lyrics for the new song. They're not finished yet. I have to finish them, or Hiro will be mad at me. It's cold. I should have worn a coat. The wind blows harder and I sneeze. The lyrics are gone. They're not in my hand anymore. I turn and see them floating away. And then someone catches them. It's _Him_."

The memory completely enfolded Shuichi. He relived it, oblivious to the therapist sitting calmly, listening to him subconsciously narrate the event.

The tall man reaches out for the lyrics, dancing on the breeze. He snatches them gracefully from the air. Golden eyes disdainfully skim the words. Scorn etches into his face. He looks up sharply, his intense eyes piercing Shuichi.

"_Did you write this?" his golden voice musical but harsh. Shuichi gulped, trying to speak. Words failed him at first but he managed to force out a quiet 'yes'. The man unnerves him, he feels anxious. He wants to hear approval coming from the man's mouth. He waits with baited breath. _

"_Its awful. A grade schooler could do better than this." The man is holding a cigarette in his other hand, its glowing tip smoulders in the dark night. The man walks slowly toward him. As he passes he exhales a cloud of smoke. "Give it up." He releases the lyrics which are swept away by the breeze and continues walking, fading into the night._

_Shuichi sank to his knees despairingly. Desperately he looks up the man's fading silhouette and…_

Shuichi's eyes burst open and he clutched his chest, gasping from the sudden stab of pain the memory had caused him. He was breathing heavily, struggling for breath. He was vaguely aware that Chris was crouching next to him.

"Shindou-san, calm down. Breathe slowly." He said gently. He waited for Shuichi to calm down and then continued. "When did you notice that Yuki-san was missing from your life?"

"A few weeks ago. After the accident. I'm so worried; I don't know what's happened to Yuki! I need to find him! I don't know if I can go on without him here."

"The accident? Ah, I assume you mean the incident when you were on tour?"

"Yes."

"Well could I suggest that this could be stress induced? Perhaps the shock of the incident could have triggered something in your brain, causing you to create a person with whom you could connect."

"But I didn't make Yuki up! He is real. Even in this world, he existed. He still does, I'm sure of it!"

"And what do you mean by that?"

"I mean that Yuki was alive. But he was murdered, before I met him." Shuichi only realised how mad the words sounded after they had left his mouth.

"Murdered?"

"I- uh…when I got out of hospital, I tried to find him. I found an article from 5 years ago. It said Yuki had been murdered."

"I see. Has it occurred to you that your mind could have fabricated your Yuki from the Yuki who was murdered 5 years ago? Did you know him? Or maybe you could have seen the article."

"No, I didn't know him! But I didn't make him up, I swear it! He's so real. There's no way I could have made someone like Yuki up. Or my feelings for him. They're so strong."

"Maybe you were lonely. You don't have a girl – or boyfriend in reality. Or this reality, for the sake of argument. Perhaps after you were stabbed, your mind wanted someone to be there, waiting for you. Someone more special than Hiro-kun. Someone like Yuki."

"No! No way. Yuki is real! I don't know how many times I have to say it, but he is." Shuichi almost shouted.

Chris sighed. "What happened earlier, when I asked you to recall your memories, you were in a trance of sorts. Maybe we could use a similar method to help address this problem."

"A trance?"

"Yes, although what happened earlier was self-induced. This one will be purposely stimulated, to find the root of the problem, and deal with it. Think of it as hypnosis."

"Hypnosis? Wait, are you going to try and get rid of my Yuki?" Shuichi demanded.

"I have no idea if that will be the effect of it, but to start with anyway, we will just be trying to find how this started."

"No way! I don't want to get rid of Yuki. I don't care, even if he isn't real, I'd rather _die _than forget Yuki."

"Like I said, we wouldn't actually be removing Yuki from your mind, just finding where he came from. After that, with your consent of course, we will try to address the problem."

"Would it help me to find him?" Shuichi asked.

"It could. I have no way of knowing for sure."

"OK." Shuichi said, taking a deep breath. "I'll do it."

"Very well. Lie back on the couch please. I will need to dim the lights for this." Chris explained. As Shuichi lay down, Chris turned down the lights. The room was lit by only a dim glow.

"Close your eyes." Chris spoke in a soft, lulling voice. "You are drifting away. No longer in this room. Float back on your memories as you did before. Think back to before you woke up in New York. Think about Yuki."

Shuichi tried to relax and he let out a small gasp of shock as darkness started to creep up around him. At first he struggled but the darkness took him completely and he could no longer move. Then, out of the darkness images began to flash past him, like a reel of film, the individual frames flashed up in front of his eyes before they where whipped away into the blackness.

Cold eyes staring at him, illuminated by the light from a computer screen. The beautiful being turned a deaf ear to his pleas.

_A sad face, in a derelict New York apartment, embraced by a pink haired boy in a puppy suit. _

'_That's me' _Shuichi barely had time to register.

A photograph of a boy and his tutor. A hand reaching out, offering it to him. Sharing the darkest secret.

_Then another photo, this time it was the blonde man again, looking at the camera, with an amused expression, and the cheerful, pink haired boy jumping up into the cameras range._

_Night time. A hospital room. The blonde man is sleeping now. The pink haired boy is also there, leaning down to kiss the sleeping beauty._

_Now the blonde man leans above the boy, hand trying to conceal a hole in the wall, his eyes full of promise._

_A girl is standing next to the man now, small with brown hair. Standing at the back of a hall full of people. Where is the boy? Oh, he's standing on a stage, screaming words that will win his love._

_A passionate night._

_Another concert. This time the blonde man is alone, staring at the boy who is frozen on stage._

_The man's arm is around the boy's shoulder, a forced smile on his face and a disapproving woman looking down on them._

_A shadowy figure in a park, wind ruffling his hair. Scorn in his eyes as he glances over a flimsy sheet of paper._

One by one, the snapshots were whisked away from Shuichi's reach. He desperately tried to grab them, to hold them to his chest. They were important. He struggled desperately to reach them. Slowly he became aware of a beeping sound. But that doesn't bother him. He was still desperately struggling to hold onto the frames, and to break his way out of the darkness.

_Beep beep beep_

The images were all gone now. Only the smothering darkness was left. Shuichi desperately thrashed around, trying to fight it off.

_Beep beep beepbeepbeep_

"His heart is beating too fast!"

_Beepbeepbeepbeep_

"He's going into shock, what do we do?"

The blackness was suffocating him.

_BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_

Slowly, Shuichi let out his last breath.

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep_

The line went flat.

"_**Shuichi!"**_

And suddenly Shuichi could breathe again. The darkness was melted away with the sound of the voice.

Shuichi's eyes fluttered open. A blurred face swam in front of his. His vision focused and he saw the smiling face of a golden angel.

* * *

**Hopefully that makes sense to everyone and you all know what has happened now. Also, im not sure if the stuff with the therapist would actually work, but i talked to my uncle who is a sort of therapist and he said it was feasable... and hey, the whole thing was in Shuichi's head and he's certainly no therapist so theres bound to be some mistakes :) **

**just warning you now, but the next chapter will be a short one :( im sorry, i know i fail :( but hopefully i will get back on track after that and will not be a failure anymore :)**

**please reveiw and tell me what you think :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**OK, first off, sorry for the long time to upload. I know i fail horribly at being an author. But I've been really busy lately with coursework, and exams. And my MS Office just died on me so i have to get a new copy. But enough of my lame excuses... oh yeah, and sorry for the shortness of this chapter. I will try my best to upload as soon as I can... well enjoy chapter 8 :)**

* * *

_Shuichi's eyes fluttered open. A blurred face swam in front of his. His vision focused and he saw the smiling face of a golden angel._

Bright white light stung Shuichi's eyes, streaming in around the face of the angel. The angel looked down upon him, smiling welcomingly. The angel's face was perfect, golden. His voice was melodic and golden too as he spoke Shuichi's name warmly. The angel held Shuichi in a tender embrace. At first Shuichi thought he was dead.

But then the illusion was shattered.

"Shuichi! Thank god!" Came Hiro's voice.

Shuichi looked around puzzled.

"Hiro? What are you doing here?"

"Shuichi, do you not remember what happened?"

Shuichi thought back. He had been in the therapists… but then the pain that had slowly been growing around his chest reminded him of something else.

Memories of pain flashed back to him. Pain, flashing steel, cruel smile, hungry eyes and… something else. Out of reach.

If Hiro was here, then he couldn't be dead. Then why was there an angel here? Shuichi knew he wasn't imagining him. He could feel the warm embrace. A nostalgic warmth from a distant memory.

Shuichi didn't want to leave that embrace. But too soon his angel was pulling away. Shuichi tried to hold onto the angel, but he was weak. As he fell back towards the bed – why was he in a bed? – he desperately tried to reach for the angel. He didn't want to lose him again. Now why would he lose the angel again? Surely he hadn't lost him before. The angel had been with him this whole time. Hadn't he?

Who was the angel? Shuichi didn't know. He only knew he had always been there.

"Shuichi, thank god, thank god. Oh thank god, Shuichi." The angel wept. A weeping angel.

_Who are you?_

The angel's face was breathtakingly beautiful. Golden hair falling softly around pale white skin, smooth and unblemished. And piercing, golden eyes, intense and filled with happiness.

"Shuichi, talk to me," the angel pleaded.

_Who are you?_

"Shuichi, do you know where you are? Can you remember what happened?"

_Of course I can. How could I forget that? But who are you?_

"Shuichi... do you know who I am?" The angel's voice broke.

"No..."

**Once again, I will apologise for the shortness. The whole story was leading up to this point and now that I've gotten here, I have no idea of what to do next. Well a vague idea... but suggestions would be welcome :) anyway, please reveiw and I'll try to get the next chapter up soon**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello, its me, the failure of a writer :) I'm sorry it took so long to update- I was actually shocked when i saw how long it had been since I had uploaded. My excuse is coursework and exams- I'm just starting my mocks. But anyway, I finally managed to upload this... hope you like it :)**

**Warning: Contains some strong language (I'm not sure if this was necessary, but just in case)**

* * *

_"Shuichi... do you know who I am?" the angel's voice broke_

_"No..."_

_**Yuki**_

Yuki's mind reeled. This couldn't be happening. It was just impossible. Shuichi had forgotten him. Forgotten _him_. Yuki. It couldn't be happening. But it was happening. Pain ripped through Yuki's chest. He was breaking, falling apart.

But then he pulled himself together, pulled that overly-familiar mask over his face.

"I see." He said simply, unfeelingly. He stood up and made to leave the room, but a small hand grasped his wrist in a feeble attempt to prevent him from leaving. Stunned, he quickly pulled his hand free of the loose hold, at the same time turning sharply, glaring at his lover.

He instantly regretted it when he saw hurt deep in those amethyst eyes that he had so longed to see open for the past weeks. He brushed off the guilt and quickly left the room.

"Yuki-san!" Hiro called after him, but Yuki continued walking, ignoring his lover's best friend.

He walked briskly until he reached his car, which had been parked in the same spot for over a week. He slumped into the front seat, and for a while just sat there, his resting head against the steering wheel.

His phone rang.

"Yuki-san, where are you? You need to see Shuichi. I know he doesn't remember you, but he was asking for you-" Yuki held the phone briefly to his ear and then snapped it shut when he grew tired of listening to Hiro's voice.

Reluctantly, he sat up in the leather seat of his car and slipped the key into the ignition. As the car purred into life, he flicked on the radio.

_With a terrified look in the eyes, spit those irritated feelings into the fickle wind_

_The signal that melted into the cracked roadway is leaving only a scar behind._

He immediately turned it back off.

Surrounded by nothing but silence, emotions began to tug at the corner of Yuki's mind. Gentle and only slightly nagging at first, they intensified till he was almost overwhelmed by them. Sadness, anger, loss and guilt. They pounded inside his head, almost causing him to lose focus on his driving.

Somehow he managed to make it back to his apartment. Upon pulling his car up in front of the building, he once again slumped over the steering wheel. Had it really been ok for him to leave the hospital? Maybe it was. Maybe it was better for him to leave Shuichi. Better for _Shuichi _if he left Shuichi.

He moved like a zombie. Out of the car, fumbled for his keys, through the front door. Once inside he headed straight to the fridge. He took out a can of beer, slammed the fridge door shut then cracked open the can.

* * *

A few hours later Yuki was sat on his couch, downing yet another drink. Around him were littered countless cigarette butts, small round burns on the couch marking where he hadn't bothered to reach for an ashtray and crumpled beer cans were strewn across the floor.

Now with his supplies of both exhausted, Yuki just sat there. Sat, staring into nothing. He would have sat there all night when he was interrupted by a cheerful voice.

"Good evening Eiri"

Yuki's head snapped up.

"What do you want Tohma?" he growled at his brother-in-law.

"I heard Shindou-san woke up"

"And?"

"Aren't you going to see him?" That bastard. Yuki would bet anything that Tohma knew exactly what had happened earlier that day.

"I've already been." Yuki said bluntly. "Of course, you already know that don't you."

"Shindou-san needs you, Eiri" Tohma ignored Yuki's accusation.

"No he doesn't. I don't know what he needs, but it's not me."

"He does need you Eiri. We both know that. And I know, more than anything, that you need him too."

"Bullshit. What I need is for you to get the fuck out of my apartment, not some stupid brat snivelling to me in his hospital bed." The words stung, he knew he didn't mean half of what he said. In a defeated tone he added "The kid doesn't even remember me."

"Eiri, despite what you think, Shindou _does _need you. I was at the hospital earlier. The whole time I was there he was asking for his 'angel'. That's you, Eiri. I don't approve of your relationship, but I know it will be just as hard, if not harder on you as it will be on Shindou if your relationship ends. You need him, Eiri."

Angel? What was that about? Yuki knew Tohma was right, but he didn't want to admit it. He couldn't.

"Look, if you've come here just to preach to me you can get the fuck out. Oh wait, I already told you that didn't I? What the hell are you still doing here Tohma? I don't want you here." As Yuki spoke, the other man sat down next to him on the couch, folding his gloved hands on his lap. Yuki knew he wouldn't leave till he got what he wanted.

Fine. He could be patient too. Wait till Tohma got fed up and left. If Tohma left.

"Dammit Tohma, what do you want? Do you want me to just get in my car and drive back to the hospital and act like everything's fine? Cause I hate to burst your bubble, but its not."

"Eiri, be reasonable. You were in that hospital for weeks, waiting for him to wake up, and now that he has, are you just going to sit here in your apartment sulking because a coma patient has lost some of his memories?"

"Ok, if you want to put it like that fine, that's exactly what I'm going to do. If you don't like it, tough. Now would you just get out of my apartment?"

Tohma sighed. "Alright Eiri, I'll leave. But remember, Shindou is waiting for you." As he left, he added "I'll keep you informed."

The door clicked shut, and then, silence.

* * *

**Hiro**

"Are you sure you don't mind? I mean, we haven't crashed together for ages. Are you sure I won't be in the way?" Three weeks had passed, and Shuichi was finally being discharged from the hospital.

"Don't worry Shuichi, its fine." Hiro smiled. He was relieved to see that his best friend seemed to be so much better. What worried him though, was the fact that Shuichi still hadn't remembered Yuki Eiri. Sure, he asked after the novelist- or 'his angel', as Shuichi referred to him- all the time.

Hiro didn't know why Shuichi couldn't remember Yuki. The doctors weren't even sure. They had said that it was only natural that some of Shuichi's memories would go, considering the trauma he must have been through, although there was no explanation as to why it was Yuki- and _only _Yuki- who had disappeared from his memories. There was no saying whether the memories would return or not. Hiro hoped for both Shuichi and Yuki's sakes that they would.

Shuichi's memory loss had made it obvious that Shuichi wouldn't be returning to the novelist's apartment, at least not for the moment. They had decided it would be best for Shuichi to stay with Hiro. They hadn't even been able to contact Yuki.

Hiro had tried calling him up, even visiting the apartment on two separate occasions, but he had not heard from Yuki since Shuichi had woken up.

* * *

**Yuki**

_Ring ring_

Yuki groggily looked around the room.

_Ring ring_

Where was that damned phone?

_Ring ring_

It had better not be that Nakano again.

_Ring ring_

Yuki tried to sit up, but the room around him started spinning.

_Ring ring_

Why was he on the couch?

_Ring ring_

Yuki spotted the phone, lying amongst a pile of papers.

_Ring ri-_

The sound of the phone cut off as Yuki hurled it against the wall.

Yuki sat for a moment, waiting for his head to clear. Finally the room stopped spinning. Shuichi would be horrified if he saw the room like this. Beer cans, cigarette butts, old papers were scattered everywhere, and the shattered remains of the phone lay against the wall where he had flung it.

He could just imagine Shuichi coming in and complaining since he would be the one doing all the cleaning. Shuichi would have pouted and moaned at Yuki for making such a mess. He might throw a little tantrum but then Yuki would shoot him a fierce glare and then Shuichi would apologise for being so loud.

Shuichi wouldn't like it that he had been drinking and smoking that much either. Shuichi always made sure he looked after Yuki. But now Shuichi wasn't here anymore.

Well he had managed just fine without Shuichi before he had met him. He could manage fine now. He didn't need Shuichi. Shuichi definitely didn't need him.

He knew none of this was true. Well maybe Shuichi didn't need him, but he needed Shuichi. More than he would admit to anyone.

**I don't know if that end was a bit off... but I couldn't think of anything else. I'll try to upload sooner next time :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Long time no see... again... Once again I'm very sorry for the long time to update. I guess I don't really have exams as an excuse this time since they finished a while ago. I just couldn't really think what to write. Anyway I've finally done it so enjoy :D**

* * *

"La li ho~!" Shuichi sang as he entered the studio.

"Back to work already Shuichi?" K looked up from polishing his pistol.

"Yup! I feel loads better now." Shuichi beamed.

"That's good to hear" Fujisaki appeared from behind the recording equipment.

"Yeah, but take it easy today, eh Shuichi." Said Hiro, entering the room behind Shuichi.

"Sure, sure, don't worry about me, I'm fine, totally, one hundred percent fine." Shuichi assured him cheerfully, although his smile slipped slightly for a moment.

Hiro frowned, but went along with what Shuichi was saying.

"Now, let's get started!" Shuichi bounded over to the recording booth.

"Now, now Shuichi, don't be so eager." Said K. He exchanged glances with Hiro- they had both noticed the droop in Shuichi's shoulders that Shuichi had attempted to hide with his cheerfulness.

***************

"Alright, that's it for today." K announced.

Shuichi and Hiro bid farewell to the others and left the studio. In the parking lot, Hiro turned to Shuichi.

"So, how was your first day back?" he smiled.

"Huh? Oh, fine. I mean, it was great!" Shuichi had been miles away, drifting in his thoughts.

Hiro started to get his motorbike ready.

"Uh Hiro…" Shuichi hesitated.

"Yeah, Shu?"

"Um… do you mind if I walked back today… I mean, if that's ok?" Shuichi asked.

"Are you sure? It is a while to get back to my place, and it's cold tonight."

"Don't worry, I'll be fine. I need a walk." Shuichi reassured him.

"Ok then, do you want me to come with you?" Hiro offered.

"No it's fine, besides, you can't leave the bike here." Hiro frowned. "It's fine! Really!"

"Alright then, just be careful not to stay out too long, don't catch a cold or anything." Hiro said worriedly.

"Sure" Shuichi smiled, already beginning to walk off.

"See you soon then" Hiro still sounded worried.

"Yeah"

* * *

Shuichi had just meant to walk the long way back to Hiro's place to give himself some time to think. But he was so wrapped up in his thoughts that his feet found their own path.

He looked up and realised he was completely lost.

He was standing in a park he'd never seen before. A familiar breeze rustled through the trees, almost tugging him down the path. Vaguely he wondered why the breeze had felt so familiar but he was hardly aware of that.

He drifted down the path to an open spot. There were benches lining one side of the path and a railing on the other. He walked over to the railing and looked out over the view.

Suddenly he sneezed, bringing him back to his senses. He hadn't realised how cold it was and now he shivered. He had come out wearing only shorts and a light cotton shirt and now he regretted it. What was he thinking, in the middle of winter?

He was freezing now, the cold was stinging his face and legs, and he felt so tired. He decided to sit down on one of the benches, just for a little while, and then he would find his way back to Hiro's.

He pulled his legs up under his chin and wrapped his arms around himself. He was shivering properly now. He knew he should get up but it was just so easy for him to stay on the bench.

Flakes of snow began to fall, sparse at first but then more and more large white flakes began to drift to the ground, covering the park with a thick white blanket. Shuichi was vaguely aware that he began to push his numbing legs off the bench into the thick layer of snow.

He stumbled forwards into blackness.

*******************

Warmth. And the familiar smell of cigarettes and beer.

_Clack clack clack_

Someone typing on a laptop. A nostalgic sound.

Shuichi groggily sat up. Where was he? The room was unfamiliar yet so familiar at the same time. It wasn't Hiro's place, so where was it? The clothes he was wearing weren't his either. Oh crap, he blushed at the thought of a stranger undressing him.

The sound of tapping stopped.

"You're awake." The voice made Shuichi's head snap up. Beautiful and comforting, to him it sounded like a chorus of angels. In reality it tried to be blunt and uncaring, but there was a hint of relief and concern there.

"It's you!" Shuichi gasped in shock and recognition. It was the man from the hospital; his golden angel. "Why are you here?"

"This is my house, stupid." The blonde snapped, irritated.

"Oh. Then… what am I doing here?" Shuichi asked.

"Don't you remember what happened last night?" The angel asked him.

"No"

"What the hell were you doing anyway? Were you _trying _to kill yourself? If you're gonna do something like that, try and choose somewhere to die besides my doorstep."

"What? I wasn't… I didn't…" Shuichi was confused. Outside his angel's doorstep? How had he gotten there? He didn't know anything about the angel, let alone where he lived. He tried to think back to the previous night and had vague flashbacks of trudging through ankle deep snow, roaming vaguely familiar streets, finally ending up outside a large house.

The comfortable warmth Shuichi had felt earlier was escalating, he was getting warmer and warmer, and the heat was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

"So what were you doing out there so late, brat?" The angel asked him.

"I was… look, do you have a problem with me? All you've done since I woke up is be rude to me. Is it because I'm in your house? You don't like taking in strangers?" The angel flinched.

"That's not…"

"I know I'm not welcome here, so maybe I should leave."

Shuichi made to get out of the bed but he stumbled and fell back on the mattress.

"What the hell are you doing?" the angel asked him, moving forwards, guiding Shuichi back to the bed, "You have a fever you moron, you need to rest."

That would explain why he was feeling so hot. He was burning up now. The world around him began to blur.

"I… I don't want… to cause you… trouble" Shuichi mumbled.

"Trust me; you'll be causing me more trouble if you don't shut up and sleep already." The angel promised him.

Shuichi nodded meekly and allowed himself to be lowered back onto the bed. The angel tucked the blanket more tightly around him as he drifted off.

"Sleep now Shu, sleep." The angel murmured gently, stroking the side of Shuichi's face softly.

Before Shuichi's eyes closed he asked the angel his name. He saw sadness well up in the angel's eyes, but then he spoke.

"Yuki. My name is Yuki."

_Yuki… _

* * *

**So I hope that chapter was OK, and I'll try to update sooner next time (I say this every time...) so please reveiw :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Yay! This time when I said I would updater, I actually did! Except it's retardedly short... but to make up for that I've already written chapter 12 which shoud come up tomorrow or the day after...**

**This chapter is from Yuki's p.o.v so once again theres a bit more swearing... well it is Yuki XD there might be a bit more of that in the chapters to come...**

**Well hope you enjoy chapter 11 :D**

* * *

Yuki looked at the slender figure lying in his bed, curled up under the covers. He had missed Shu so much. Since he had left the hospital he hadn't seen nor heard from him at all. Well what did he expect- Shu couldn't remember him and none of their acquaintances were too supportive of their relationship.

What the hell was Nakano thinking anyway, letting Shu out alone, in the middle of winter, _at night? _Yuki supposed he should probably call Nakano, to let him know where Shuichi was, but then again he supposed it also couldn't hurt to let Nakano sweat it a few hours. After all, it was his fault for letting Shuichi wander around by himself after only recently being discharged from hospital.

For a while Yuki sat on the bed next to Shuichi, absently stroking Shu's hair. He was so happy to have Shuichi back with him, happier than he had been for god knows how long. But he figured it wouldn't last. Shu would wake up and then, if he was feeling better, he would leave. He had no reason to stay at the house of a man he couldn't remember.

For what seemed like the billionth time Yuki cursed the stalker for doing this to Shu. He was thankful that at least the man was behind bars now. They wouldn't be having anymore trouble from him.

The phone rang.

Yuki was torn for a moment, looking doubtfully down at Shuichi's sleeping form. He didn't want to have to leave him, even for the brief time it would take for him to answer the phone.

The phone continued to ring, angrily, demanding his attention. He got up and went to answer it. Shuichi was sleeping soundly; he would be fine left alone for just a few minutes.

"Hello?" he snapped irritably.

"Yuki-san?" he resisted the temptation to slam the phone back down at the sound of Hiro's voice.

"Yuki-san, please don't hang up! Have you seen Shuichi? He hasn't been home; do you have any idea where he could be?"

"What the hell were you thinking, letting him out alone?" Yuki demanded.

"I didn't know… I thought he would come straight back… he said…"

"Yeah well you should have taken better care of him shouldn't you? I thought you would know better than to let someone who's just been discharged from hospital wonder around by himself in the fucking snow." Yuki was starting to snap.

"I know, I know. And now…" Yuki thought he heard Hiro stifle a sob.

"Listen, Nakano…" Yuki started, about to put the poor boy out of his misery.

"Yuki, I just heard from K- the police, they've lost the stalker! He's escaped from where they were holding him!"

The phone dropped from Yuki's now limp hand and clattered noisily to the floor. He distantly registered Hiro's frantic voice buzzing through the speaker, but his mind was focused elsewhere.

He snapped back to his senses and ran back to the bedroom to where Shuichi was.

"Shu-"

The bed was empty.

"Shit!"

He ran into the adjoining bathroom.

Empty.

"Shu?"

Back into the bedroom.

He felt a stinging ice breeze on his face.

The curtains billowed in the wind from the open window.

He ran to the window and looked out.

Fresh footprints led away from the house. Large clumsy boot prints and a trail of something- or someone- dragged along the snow.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed that chapter, as always please reveiw :D next chapter should be up soon...**


	12. Chapter 12

**As promised, Chapter 12. Probably a record for speed from me. Its another shortie- I could have clumped it togethor with the last chapter but I didnt want to do that so I've published them seperately. Enjoy XD**

* * *

"_Shu!"_

The angel's voice calling him.

His eyes groggily opened, coming slowly back to reality.

It was pitch black. No angel. Nothing. He couldn't see anything.

He was lying on something. A thin mattress.

He felt uncomfortable. He tried to shift his position but he couldn't. His hands were tied behind him. Thick, tight, binding rope.

His feet were bound too.

A cloth tied around his mouth gagging him.

_Breathe!_

He couldn't breathe! He was going to die!

_Breathe!_

He couldn't do it. He was beginning to feel light-headed.

_BREATHE!_

He managed to draw in a breath.

His breath came too easily now. Too fast.

He was hyperventilating. His breath coming ragged and fast.

Shaking. His whole body shook.

Tears spilled out of his eyes as he shook with silent cries.

Where was he?

_Think. Think back._

He had been… where had he been?

He remembered snow. Giant cold flakes. Stumbling. Stumbling forwards. Through the snow. A familiar place. Angel. His angel.

_His house?_

That's right, he had been in his angel's house.

_Who's?_

His angel.

_Who?_

He didn't know. He didn't know anything.

Was he still there? Had his angel done this to him?

He couldn't remember anything. He didn't know.

_Why? Why why why?_

So many questions. But he didn't know.

He needed someone. Hiro. Maiko.

Angel.

He needed his angel.

Oh god he was scared.

He wanted to go home.

Why couldn't he go home?

Lights.

Suddenly. Bright, fluorescent lights.

Burning. Burning his eyes.

Squinting through tears of fear. Tears from the burning light.

Footsteps. Loud. Harsh. Echoing across the room.

Echoing towards him.

Don't come any closer! Stay away!

The footsteps stopped.

He peered up. Through tears. Trying to see who it was.

Who was there?

Was it his angel?

He smelled sweat. Cigarettes. Cheap booze.

No, not his angel.

Rough hands pulling him around. Turning him.

He looked up into the face obscured by heavy stubble.

Eyes widened, he screamed silently against his gag.

Then returned to the blackness.

* * *

**Dun dun dunn. Sorry another cliffhanger. I don't know how long it's gonna be to get the next chapter up since I'm going back to school and have a whole load of coursework to do now, but if you reveiw, maybe I'll be motivated to write more XD**


	13. Chapter 13

**Firstly: I'm sososo sorry I haven't uploaded in like a month!!! I've just had so much school work... and a massive lack of ideas... and just generally not being that motivated. Well now I'm motivated because it's finally coming togethor and I finally know whats gonna happen in the end. Anyway enough of my babbling, here's chapter 13 (wow that far already!)**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

"Shuichi? Shuichi!" Yuki raced down the deserted corridor, heart pounding in his ears.

He was in the maze-like network of corridors and storage rooms in an abandoned warehouse.

He was thankful, for once, to have a brother-in-law like Tohma. Once again his connections had proved useful, as they had been able to find a lead on Shuichi's possible whereabouts quickly.

Of course it wasn't certain that Shuichi was here. It wasn't a reliable lead. An old security guard, leaving for the night, had seen something suspicious. Tohma had managed to find out about it and he had, of course, informed Yuki.

Now he was frantically searching, praying desperately to find Shuichi. He approached a door and stopped, panting in front of it.

He pushed the door open and-

*************

Shuichi came round groggily.

The lights were off and he couldn't see much, but as far as he could tell, the room was empty once more.

He tugged at the ropes around his arms but they wouldn't budge. He tried the ones on his legs, but with the same result.

He looked around the room; dim moonlight poured in through cracks in a boarded up window.

He strained his ears, hoping to hear people, someone coming to get him. His angel.

Nothing. Just the faint patter of rain outside the window. Except… footsteps. They were faint, but drawing closer rapidly.

They stopped outside the room.

Shuichi stared, both fearfully and hopefully, at the door, waiting for it to open.

The doorknob turned.

The door was flung open-

* * *

-saw nothing.

The room was empty, completely bare.

Yuki cursed. He scanned the room with his eyes quickly, searching for some missed detail.

Upon finding nothing he withdrew, closing the door behind him, and continued down the corridor.

****************

Shuichi tried to scream as the man from his nightmares entered the room.

The man approached, and Shuichi shrank back into the mattress, eyes not daring to stray from the approaching predator.

Reaching the bed, the man sat down next to Shuichi.

"You're awake again" he smiled. An unnatural, insane smile.

"Don't worry, no one will interrupt us this time." He was stroking Shuichi's face.

Shuichi tried to protest against the gag.

"Shhh shh, its fine" the man reassured, his hand moving down Shuichi's neck, caressing his stomach.

Shuichi squirmed, desperately trying to evade the insensitive touch.

The man made soothing noises, attempting to calm Shuichi.

He pulled out the knife.

* * *

"Fuck!" Yuki swore as he pulled open the door on yet another empty room.

He was about to leave, then something caught his eye.

On the far wall, was a message scrawled in large red letters

_Hurry Eiri-kun, time is running out_

The message made Yuki's heart stop for a moment and knocked the breath completely out of his body.

He realised he had moved towards the wall and was stretching out his hand to touch the message.

He did nothing to stop the movement of his hands, but shuddered when they touched the surface. It was still slightly sticky; his fingers came away with a slight tinge of red.

He was almost sick, right there, but as his head turned to the floor he saw something else.

Strands of pink hair, scattered on the ground below the message.

A red mist descended on him, and hard, pure fury boiled up inside him.

Someone was playing a game with him.

And he would damn well make sure that that someone wouldn't see this game through till the end.

**Dun dun dunnnnnn another plot twist... hopefully it wont be too long a wait til the next chapter, but in the meantime, please review XD**


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay, so I edited this chapter and chapter 15 and reuploaded them, nothing major, just a few tweaks so that the story would make more sense.**

That face. The face that haunted his memories and his nightmares alike.

Shuichi remembered that face; he would never forget it. The man from that night, before he lost his memories. The man who had been in his nightmares. When he had been sleeping.

Now that man smiled sickeningly down on him. Smiling. Why was he smiling?

That man was holding the knife. That same knife. From before he was sleeping. The knife that caused this.

Now both that man and that knife were in front of him. Threatening, looming, leering.

That man's smile glinted, just like the moonlight on the knife.

The cold edge of that knife pressed against Shuichi's cheek. He felt something. Something warm. Dripping. Dripping down his face. The cold edge of that knife moved down his face.

"Soon" that man murmured. "Soon."

What was he waiting for? Shuichi couldn't stand it. Waiting. Waiting for the inevitable. Waiting for more pain. Waiting for suffering. Waiting for death.

Why couldn't it just come? He was scared, so scared. He wanted death to come, to free him from the fear. But he was so afraid. He didn't want to die. He couldn't leave… he still had… a reason. His reason.

But his reason was forbidden. What was his reason? He needed his reason.

The cold blade of that knife traced patterns on his chest. Over his heart. Round and round, criss-crossing, back and forward. Leaving thin, stinging trails.

A sound above them made that man look up sharply. The sudden movement made that knife catch suddenly. Deeper pain. More warmth. More cold. More red. Crimson. Seeping.

That man smiled wider. Anticipating.

_He's coming_

Who was coming? Why? What for?

No, he mustn't come here. Not to this place.

Why not? Who was coming?

Forbidden.

Shuichi concentrated. He had to remember. Break down the blockades.

_His angel_

Angel? Why was his angel coming here?

"Looks like we have a guest" that man said.

He was expecting it. That man _wanted _whoever it was to come. He was coming now. It was all Shuichi's fault. If anything happened, it would all be Shuichi's fault.

He tried to break free. Tried to shout against his gag, to warn the approaching angel. Tell him to leave. Tell him to run.

"We should prepare for our guest" that man said. He bought that knife to Shuichi's old scar.

That man pushed that knife slowly into the scar.

And then it all came back. Memories, flooding back.

_A shadowy figure in a park, wind ruffling his hair. Scorn in his eyes as he glances over a flimsy sheet of paper._

_The man's arm is around the boy's shoulder, a forced smile on his face and a disapproving woman looking down on them._

_A concert. The blonde man is alone, staring at the boy who is frozen on stage._

_A passionate night._

_A girl is standing next to the man now, small with brown hair. Standing at the back of a hall full of people. Where is the boy? Oh, he's standing on a stage, screaming words that will win his love._

_Now the blonde man leans above the boy, hand trying to conceal a hole in the wall, his eyes full of promise._

_Night time. A hospital room. The blonde man is sleeping now. The pink haired boy is also there, leaning down to kiss the sleeping beauty._

_A photo, the blonde man, looking at the camera, with an amused expression, and the cheerful, pink haired boy jumping up into the cameras range._

A photograph of a boy and his tutor. A hand reaching out, offering it to him. Sharing the darkest secret.

_A sad face, in a derelict New York apartment, embraced by a pink haired boy in a puppy suit. _

Cold eyes staring at him, illuminated by the light from a computer screen. The beautiful being turned a deaf ear to his pleas.

Blackness surrounded him, smothered him, silenced him. But he called out one word. He called out to his angel.

"**YUKI!"**

It engulfed him.


	15. Chapter 15

"_**Yuki!"**_

Yuki's head snapped round, searching desperately for Shuichi.

"Shuichi? Shuichi, where are you?"

He tried to pinpoint where the voice had come from but found he couldn't. He almost thought he was hearing things, but that had definitely been Shuichi's voice. He would recognise Shuichi's voice anywhere.

But Shuichi was nowhere.

Yuki continued to hurry down the corridors, bursting doors open, scanning the rooms and leaving when there was still no trace of Shuichi.

He pushed open the last door at the end of the corridor, instinctively scanned the room and he was about to leave when–

"Shuichi!"

There he was, slouched against the wall.

Yuki ran over to him.

"Shuichi, look at me, are you ok?"

Yuki's heart sank when he saw that Shuichi was unconscious.

"Shuichi! Shuichi? Shuichi, wake up!"

Then he saw the hilt of the knife.

"No…"

There was no way this could be happening. Not now. Not after all this.

"Shuichi?" Yuki asked tentatively

Nothing.

Cracks began to form in his world.

He shook Shuichi's small frame gently.

Still nothing.

The cracks grew, spreading across his vision.

He heard footsteps, approaching him and his lover.

He turned, more out of instinct than anything.

"Hello, Eiri"


	16. Chapter 16

****

**Wow. It's been a long time. I feel really, really bad about how long I left this for. I had several ideas for endings, none of which i seemed able to write. There was a point where I felt like giving up, but I really didn't want to do that and my beta reader spurred me on. So I apologise to everyone who had to wait for this chapter. This is the final chapter, but it's going to be followed by a short epilogue.**

****Oh and I went back and edited the last two chapters, nothing big, just making a few adjustments so the story made sense.

**Enjoy!**

**

* * *

**

"Hello Eiri."

The man smiled at Yuki. Sneered.

His greasy hair was hanging over his eyes. Eyes that were void of all emotion, save a burning lust.

"You! You did this, didn't you?" Yuki shouted at the man.

The smirk widened. His eyes greedily took in Yuki's face.

"I loved him, you know." He said almost conversationally.

"Then why?" Yuki growled.

"He rejected me. Or at least that was the first time. This time… I didn't really want him. I wanted that expression. The one you're wearing right now. You haven't disappointed me Eiri."

"What are you talking about?"

"I used to hate you, Eiri. Can you imagine that? I thought you didn't deserve him. But now I see that I was wrong. _He _didn't deserve _you_. After that day, I saw your pained expression for the first time. It was so beautiful."

"You're sick! You never loved him. How could you hurt someone you love?"

"Why don't you tell me that, Eiri? I know you did it to him all the time. And before… I did my research well. We're the same, you and I. Killing the ones we love."

"No! We're not… I'm not…"

"We are, we are!" the man cried delightedly, "That's right, Eiri, that expression! I want to see more!"

"Shut up! Shut up you monster!"

"Ha! I'm a monster? You should consider who the real monster is. I mean, you killed your first love. Then see what you've caused to happen to dear little Shindou here. All he's had since he met you is trouble. It's all your fault. His death is your fault."

_Murderer. I'm a murderer. _

But then, he already knew that. Yuki knew that. A killer, unable to love, only able to hurt and scar and kill.

"I… I'm not… please… he's not dead! He's not dead!"

Because Shuichi couldn't be dead. Shuichi was the epitome of life. That little ball of energy. But now here he was. So void of that very life that defined him. Again. And it was all Yuki's fault. Again. Again he had caused the death of the one he loved. Again.

"He's dead, and you killed him Eiri!" The man moaned, "Yes Eiri, your fault. It hurts doesn't it? It hurts you so much, show me your pain! I want to feel your pain!"

"You want to feel it? My pain? YOU WANT TO FEEL MY FUCKING PAIN?" Yuki screamed at the man. "Someone like you could never understand what I feel for Shuichi! You want to feel my pain and I'll put a fucking hole right through the middle of your chest!"

All the confusion, the sadness, the guilt inside Yuki vanished. Rage piled up inside him. So much rage, spilling out, choking him. His vision was blurred, stained a deep, deep crimson. His hands were shaking as he raised what he had been concealing and he took aim.

Shock briefly flitted across the man's face. Then it lit up with an ugly lust, pure ecstasy.

"I never wanted to be a murderer… not again… but look what you've done!" Yuki cried, his finger closing around the trigger.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Eiri? You should think carefully before you act so rashly"

But the man's attempts to convince Yuki fell on deaf ears.

He fired.

* * *

**So that's it... the end. I'll post the epilogue in a few days, as I've written two and have yet to decide which is better. What do you guys think? Happy ending? Sad ending? Let me know in the reviews!**

**I also want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who's reviewed up to this point as you're the main reason i didn't give up on this fiction!**


	17. Epilogue

**Epilogue:**

Yuki opened the door to his apartment.

It was quiet. That was odd.

"Brat? Where are you?" Yuki called.

Oh that was right. Shuichi wouldn't be there.

He sighed and made his way over to the fridge, pulling out a beer.

Reclining down on his sofa, he cracked open the cold drink and sat there, lost in thought.

He missed Shuichi. He had never thought he would admit that, but recently, he had done so many times.

Feeling restless, he got up from the sofa and made his way into the bedroom, eyes lingering on the empty bed for longer than they should have done.

Slowly, he sat down at his desk, flicking on his laptop. Even after it had loaded he just sat there staring at the blank screen. In the corner of his laptop there was a small sticker. Him and Shuichi, on their date in the theme park. He looked at it fondly, reminiscing.

He didn't notice as the door slowly opened behind him until his vision was suddenly obscured.

"What the…?" He cried, but was soon pacified by the sound of musical laughter.

"Yukiiiiiii! I'm back! Didya miss me?"

"Damn brat," He snarled, although inside he couldn't help but feel affection towards his lover "how many times do I have to tell you not to disturb me when I'm working?"

"I'm sorry Yuki," Shuichi pouted "I just—"

But he was cut off when Yuki turned around and kissed him roughly. When he broke the kiss, Yuki could see Shuichi's soft purple eyes dancing, and he stood up, slowly pushing Shuichi to the bed.

Shuichi gasped, but he didn't protest as Yuki's lips trailed kisses down his neck. His shirt was hastily removed and he felt Yuki wince as his hands trailed over Shuichi's scarred torso.

Shuichi saw Yuki about to pull away, sadness in his eyes.

He wrapped his arms around his lover's neck and whispered in his ear.

"Don't stop." A request, but also a plea.

"I don't plan to" Yuki smirked, and once more his lips found Shuichi's.

* * *

**Wow... I finally finished it. Well I hope you liked that ending... I couldn't bear to give them a sad ending in the end... I also hope its not too cheesy... my first attempt was so bad it 'stank of blue cheese' according to my beta. Once again, I want to than EVERYONE who reviewed, as you're the whole reason I was able to complete this, and also to everyon who took the time to read this ^^**


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